once upon a time there was a bald frog...

a random question,a classic dysfunctional affair and the tale begins:

Once upon a time there was a bald frog.he was a unique frog.able to put all eyes on him when he started singing.but his insecurity about his appearance made him sing only at night.hidden among the rocks in the middle of the river.when no one could see him. and no one could hold him.
He was enjoying the appreciation and admiration that his audience offered.he didn't have to do anything to survive.his food was provided by his dedicated and enchanted admirers.there were lines of princesses waiting and asking to see to touch the singing frog.
There was a rumour that frog was a prince that his narcissism angered a witch and transformed him to a frog.and because he mostly loved his hair she made him bald too.
Time passed and his fame spread..He started to feel like a prince again. thought it was time to present himself.but how he could do it without revealing his bald head?
he needed this veil of mystery that made him even more wanted... so he made a wig.and decided to start singing the time the declining sun thickened the shadows.
He made it..now even more enchanted people filled the river shore...he had the experience to rivet their attention and with his wig specially made to shine when sun fell upon them he was irresistible.safe,wanted and shadowy..the prince he always wanted to be....
At the shore.among the crowd.there was one princess that was ready to jump in the river and join him.she was staying late listening to him..they came closer after a while. she was also enchanted by his voice.she always was vulnerable to uniqueness.at her years of adolescence she was in love with a prince that used to sing to her every night ...she lived magical moments until he left her..growing up she always was keen to singing people.she could barely stand talking to man that could not sing...
Finally one night she jumped in the river and joined him.she was so flattered of his voice that even when she understood that he had nothing else to offer to her she stayed by his side.she asked him to come out to the shore.she knew how to break the spell.but he needed to take off his wig and work for his survival.this was what the witch wanted from him.he was always finding excuses to stay there.on his rock.with his admirers his safety and the princess to love him.he could love her..but the allure of having what you want with out trying overcame his feelings....
Princess realised that shore is the place where she should live. the place to seek for her prince.. she always loved the shore.the open space.the wind. she loved laying on the grass.she could not live happy on the rock .frog's voice may still made her fly but she could land now on her feet when she wanted.
She made her final offer to the frog.she told him to come for a long walk and try work out together even if would never become a prince.she knew that the end would come even if frog said yes.he was now living with his mirror..the river.so came the day that princess waved him goodbye...
She never stopped loving his voice.but never jumped to the river again. and frog kept singing on his rock..watching his reflection at the river. always surrounded by other princesses.. always safe.with his wig shining when sun was setting......
And they lived happily ever after..
Now kids...what do we learn from this story?

Ember....

*post titled as"ember" cause it has a specific attribute and various results....


i started reading Albert Camus's:the rebel..
an essay about absurdism,murder and rebellion..
Albert is my favourite author..most people i talked about him said he is a pessimist but i always thought he was a person that just knew where to start from but never had the chance to finish it...he considered a fact that we live inside-walking hand to hand-with absurd.
we have(sometimes) to accept that some things are predetermined but that is not a reason not to fight for a change.a change that may not have an overall effect but in a personal level(that is the most important)...
this is my personal opinion...that is what i get from him...
and at the same time listening(for 569832st time): I'll believe in anything by Wolf Parade...
some of the lyrics:

"Give me your eyes, I need sunshine
Give me your eyes, I need sunshine
Your blood, your bones, your voice, and your ghost
We’ve both been
A very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the, the scary day
We both pulled the tricks out of our sleeves
I’ll believe in anything and
You’ll believe in anything
I Said I’ll believe in anything and
You’ll believe in anything
If I could get the fire out from the wire
I’d share a life and you’d share a life
If I could take the fire out from the wire
I’d take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn I said nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
And I could take another hit for you
And I could take away the trips from you
And I could take away the salt from your eyes
Take away skin and salt in you
And I could give you my apologies
By handing over my neologies
And I could take away your shaky knees
And I could give you all the olive trees
And look at the trees and look at my face
and look at a place far away from here......."

we are individuals that spare energy and passion..
you know how to deal with hunger...you've been taught.
you can try you can steal you can die.....
you know how to measure pride...
it is pride or nothing...you've been taught...
we know how to deal with things that their solution is embedded in our minds ....
we also have our instincts to "protect" us....
..and time stretches and we struggle to keep up with it's wills...no time to realise no time to understand....we just want to live....
but sometimes there are vestiges itching our neck....
leaving indelible marks..
these marks make us touch ourselves when we look at the mirror..
seek for a feeling that once made us sparkle...
something unique and at the same time familiar...

growing up means you have to choose what to keep before you choose what to seek..
at least that is how we jog along...
result:when there are too many vestiges you can't move on..
desires and unfulfilled states versus fears and time limits....
traveller or tourist?
translator or consumer?

we fall in love with creativity....
we need certain attributes..
we try to forget and not get over something...
and we come to the point where absurd is flying around us buzzing...
when we need to believe in something,in anything so as to give everything to it..

there is no question to be answered.....
i have problems completing my thoughts....
i just left a message in a bottle that has no bung...
i did not even threw it in the sea...
tide has it's way......
sun can dry it or evaporate it.....
but then i leave my self to fate.....
and the circle closes.....
i hold the seal....
i can sign what i say...
but i m out of bungs...

i miss the chain of salty water drops when you walk out of sea.
realisations come the same way.
leftovers...surprising our skin,joyfully tickling our back and usually evaporate just the time that our body needs them...

Never use a towel when you come out of the sea...


*To a person that i could give away my last bung...cause i know that carries the same message...
maybe not a message with the same starting point the same route and destination, but sun and water surely have the same effects on them...
To a person that uses the same ink that i use.....

(θα) έχει ωραίο φεγγάρι σήμερα.....

incoming sms...time 13:45 :"να πας μια βόλτα το βράδυ,(θα) έχει ωραίο φεγγάρι."

Νύχτωσε στην Ελλάδα.

Μόλις σταμάτησε να βρέχει...κοιτώ τον καιρό στη TV. ..35 c, 85% humidity,thunderstorm warning.
Αναρωτιέμαι:"Απο πότε έχω να κοιτάξω το φεγγάρι;"-να το κοιτάξω όχι να το δω....
"Γιατί;"
Απο τότε που θυμάμαι τον εαυτό μου ,πάντα γοητευόμουν απο την οικουμενική και πιο μυστικιστικη θεότητα, απο το χιλιοτραγουδισμένο αυτο τόπι που κρέμεται λίγο πιο χαμηλά-λιγάκι πιο ψηλά απο τα ονειρά μας...
Το αναζητούσα όπου και να βρισκόμουν.
Με ηρεμούσε τα ανοιξιάτικα και καλοκαιρινά βράδια στις παραλίες και στα μπαράκια.Με νύσταζε,με κρατούσε ξάγρυπνο.
Το χειμώνα ένιωθα δέος οταν εμφανιζόταν πίσω απο λευκά σύννεφα, παγώμενο, αστραφτερό. Μου έλεγε οτι το κρύο το φέρνει εκείνο σε εμάς.Για να μας υποδείξει την συμβολή του στον κύκλο της ζωής.
Του έριχνα κλεφτές ματιές όταν το φιλί μούσκευε κ τα δόντια παίρναν τη σκυτάλη...
Κάποιες φορές το κυνήγησα και ανέβηκα στη ράχη του, κάποιες άλλες ήρθε και με βρήκε αυτό..
Όταν ουσίες λιγάκι πιο παράνομες και πολύ πιο αποτελεσματικές απο το Red Bull βράζαν μέσα στο μυαλό μου , βρισκόμασταν στη μέση της διαδρομής και παίζαμε παρέα...
Για να μη πολυλογώ ήταν κάτι που δε παραμελούσα και δεν με απογοήτευε ποτέ..

Βγαίνω να το κοιτάξω.Η υγρασία και τα σύννεφα το κρύβουν, αλλά ξέρω που είναι.
Ακόμα και αν έχω να το κοιτάξω εδώ και τρεις μήνες.
Δεν νιώθω το ίδιο....δε με απογοητεύει,αλλά ούτε με θλίβει η απουσία του.....
Τι θέλει να μου πει;
Μήπως δεν με γεμίζει το νέο μου σπίτι;-όσο όμορφο και αν το βρίσκω...
Μήπως έπαψα να κοιτώ και απλά αντιλαμβάνομαι τις καταστάσεις και το περιβάλλον γυρω μου ως μια αναπόφευκτη συνέχεια,μια αλυσιδώτη αντίδραση του χρόνου και του τόπου, στην οποία είμαι είμαι αμέτοχος παρατηρητής και όχι στοίχειο της;
Μήπως μου λέει να πάψω να την υπολογίζω τόσο;
Να μην είναι δικαιολογία,να μην την έχω σαν κερασάκι στη τούρτα της ημέρας;


"We turn toward God only to obtain the impossible."
Albert Camus.

Και όπως στις στιγμές που συναντιόμασταν στη μέση της διαδρομής, τη περιμένω και σήμερα.
Πάντα είχα πρόβλημα στην οριοθέτηση και ο ενθουσιασμός μου έκανε το ακατόρθωτο να μοιάζει ένα βήμα παραπάνω.Ίσως γιατί δεν είχα ποτέ σταθερή πορεία.

Έχοντας την επιλογή-δυνατότητα-θάρρος-αφέλια να μην ακολουθήσεις μια διαδρόμη οριοθετημένη ενώ διατηρείς το στόχο, η εκάστοτε σελήνη-Θεότητα σε αποπροσανατολίζει με την συνεχή παρουσία της, ή σε παροτρύνει να συνεχίσεις;

Γιατί κάνουμε συνώνυμο του ανεξήγητου το ακατόρθωτο;

Γιατί βάζω αυτά τα ερωτήματα, αφού ποτέ δεν τη θεοποίησα;
αφού το μόνο που ήθελα ήταν να θυμηθώ...

Πολλές φορές δε ξέρω που πρέπει να σταματήσω να ψάχνω για εξηγήσεις.Πολλές φορές δε μου φτάνει,άλλες δε μου αρέσουν και συνεχίζω μέχρι να δώσω-βρώ αυτή που μου ταιριάζει.
'Αλλες τις χρειάζομαι για να ανακουφιστώ.έστω προσωρινά...
Μόνο που αύτο το τόπι δεν συγκαταλέγεται,δεν περιορίζεται μέσα σε σημεία στίξης.
Δεν με φοβίζει, δεν με λογαριάζει...
Κάποιες στιγμές-ελάχιστες - γίνεται καθρέφτης μου..και τότε οι εξηγήσεις προλαβαίνουν τα ερωτήματα.
Τότε η άβυσσος μοιάζει με ενυδρίο......
Δε θα ψάξω για απαντήσεις σήμερα.
Έτσι και αλλιώς δεν την είδα σήμερα για να μιλήσουμε...ΤΗΝ γιατί μου αρέσει να τη λέω σελήνη,όχι φεγγάρι.....

knot

Thinking of times I refused to grab a rope offered to me….and I fell
Thinking of times I refused to grab a rope offered to me.. and I fell with a smile on my face….
Thinking of times that I refused to grab a rope and jumped landing on feathers….
Thinking of times I was wishing for a rope and instead I got a knot….
Thinking of times I was wishing for a rope and it came with knots to handle and climb..
Thinking that I jumped for a first time having a rope in my hands….
Thinking that I jumped without thinking that ropes sometimes are not tied somewhere…
Thinking that these ropes are only tied in my hands..
Thinking of this fall…
Wishing I never have trusted ropes…..
They were made to hold things…to hang things….to restrain…

the Sentence tree.

the Sentence tree grew old,and the child started nailing exclamations holding together the borders of the wooden fence.filled worm holes with dots .
tried to hold together branches with virgules.
tenses stretching.past growing.
the child had to try hard to shape the tree..
the child forgot that it could not be shaped..

always an interrogative-shaped knife would cut
the bark and juices would come out to born new branches,

new roots to replace those that found no water...
the child forgot that had a long time to climb on the tree and taste it's fruits.

it was busy trying to strength the bole.and grubbing down the parasites.
dreams and feelings fruits were left to grow

and their heaviness made the branches bend...

some of the fruits were sacrificed and fertilised the ground..
some of them died and dried on the brunches..
a few healthy on the higher branches invited the child to taste them.
The bole strong and tall.made climbing difficult.
the child was tired.it fell asleep..
dreamed it was sitting on the higher branch squeezing the fruits..

letting them drip on it's tongue...engraved his initials on the root.

with the interrogative-shaped knife..

Once upon a time in WhateverLand

Late November.Just before the snow cover the last footsteps and wind takes in charge
with it's orchestra.The lady with the sparkling eyes did the usual route.From lights to dark
and clockwise.
One more night in the city was over.she left from the backdoor.alone.by her choice.for a long while there was only one pillow on her bed.
holding a cigarette.the cold wind between her fingers woke her..
she remembered the flier that lately was in every corner:WhateverLand presenting yourself.open24/7
she thought:"what the f******....it's nearby and i m not sleepy"
when she was there ,it was almost 06:00..
"one more night with the leftovers."
But there were people waiting outside...
she smiled and went in..she was kind of abashed when she saw the club crowed..
"now what?"
she sat on an empty footstool and ordered a drink..lighted a cigarette and looked around.
fancy people,couples,bevies,loners.any age any kind of person was stacked in a sphere shaped club...
it was late though and there was too much energy for her tired mind that night...
she left the bar..the round was on the house...along with some telephone numbers in her pocket..
"hmm..that's something!"
.....
sprawled on her bed...she started projecting the future nights in there...
she fell asleep..
.....
next night she was ready to have a full night in the WhateverLand...
there was no dress code so she put on whatever made her feel nice..and strangely after a while,she wanted to feel sexy too...
..
and she is in..with the telephone guys where she left them the day before.
She smiled..everyone smiled back..what an awkward feeling..she did not have to try much.
The second night went better than she thought.she was already like a frequenter.
Though an instinct told her to go back home early.she was drunk and the atmosphere as time was passing by got too intimate .
Ok.i ll see you tomorrow for coffee."
....
She slept easily.she woke up with a mood for socializing..
after work,she went back home.she had something interesting to do today and time was at her side..
...
..and there was everyone..
"it's like a huge cocktail shaker in here."
some new faces were at her table.but her seat was empty..
she ordered and sat comfortably..crossed her legs..nice feeling..she had the proper amount of glances when she did it.
time passed..it was getting even better..she was invited in some events and laughed enough today...
......
Back at home..she went for a shower..
while water cleaned her from tiredness,she mentally went back at the club...
the blue eyed guy...."we had a nice talking"
"i m sure there is something more"
"did he felt the same?"
"i ll make a move tomorrow"
....
one more day that the club hoged her mind..
Her last fear collapsed under the time of loneliness and the message that the blue eyed guy left at her answer machine....
She looked out of her window.
"it's spring.how?"
......
the big time came..he was there..the same look..
and she was right..there was something more..
and it was the first time that it was so profound...
.........
she took him back home..
she woke up..there was a second pillow on the bed...she smiled..
she had her heart full of feelings..so intense that she could barely control them..
she felt again like a teenager...
and the WhateverLand was always the place to be..
....
One day she went to find the reason of her revival..
and he told her that today,he had to sit at the next table.
and he did so.
She lost her speech for a while..she could barely believe it...
she didn't give up.she tried to take him back at her table.only to her table.
nothing happened..the club revealed it's darkness a shiny afternoon.
....
This incident haunted her.took her back to memories she wanted to forget..
she did not stop hang out at WhateverLand...but there was no music anymore.silence and a constant buzz..nothing to distinguish....
.....
she went deeper.at the V.I.P rooms..she met people that had the seat at the head of the table.
she always went up to take a breath..and then down again..still was driving from lights to darkness..and clockwise..
...
she took a few more blue eyed people at her home.nothing was the same though.
still no music.....
time was not healing fast enough...
.....
tables started seem the same...the same smile everywhere..a second glance was enough now to find out if there was really a blue eyed or just a contact lenses effect....
walking around from the bar to the tables,to the V.I.P section.waving to strangers,choosing her companionship.companionship(?).more like something that made the clock fingers run faster...
.....
Some tables,a few old ones,some new kept her in the club.
she was more than a simple customer now.it was not just the outfit.she was a really interesting person.she had the whole package.somewhere.if you look closely you can see :'fragile','danger flammable explosive material','love friendly' etc.a gift that any adult would like to have in his-her hands.
Her enthusiasm started fading...
but it was now a home-like place..with locked bedroom and no fireplace..still home-like though.
.....
time passed..healed the wounds..only some scratches reminded her what happened...
no more deep diving.she left her self be carried by the waves.she enjoyed their tickle,the breeze and the smells the wind brought to her..there at the beach bar of WhateverLand.
"it's summertime"
.....
She realised that this is not enough for her anymore..she needed to dive for a while..
She walked along the shore.till she could hardly tell were the main bar was...
she wondered if the new shores had something to offer.and if she had time for them.
She put her leg on the water...
Tom Yorke and Bjork singing together.sweet explosions filled her mind...
A new smile.a fresh one.she walked barefoot and the sand was wet.
She could see her table.she had her own for a long time ago.still full..
Music stopped...she was the subject...
"nice to be missed"
She sat at the bar.she wanted to hear..everyone needs some confirmation.
"no ...it can't be true"
The table took the upper hand.the tablecloth fell off.she just noticed that they are naked.
and they spit on the floor.
"was i always naked?"
a wound started bleeding..
the buzz came back..in her head.
......
it was always in her head.sometimes covering the silence.sometimes waking her up.
"maybe this was always The music"
but she did not thought it throughout.
The table....it was mostly frustration..more than sadness....
for a moment she wondered why she was not sad..she asked herself if she grew up.
if nothing was innocent.
"it's play-time"
.....

Once upon a time in WhateverLand, there was a lady with sparkling eyes......

Balanced-Unbalanced

Balanced: a man running a constant battle in his head
{an endless battle that has no winner or loser.a balanced person can manipulate the two(or more) sides and keeps the 'game' going on or drives the outcome to a tie and a rematch.the number of casualties and the condition of the battle field defines whether it needs to be changed or not.a plan.a compass}


Unbalanced: a man giving countless battles in his head
{long or short-term(mostly) battles without interferences and reconstitution.
an unbalanced person lets the 'game' roll and is carried away by it's alternations.
lives for the crevasses on the castle walls and waits to see the color of the flag when the ship comes back.a wet map.a pencil}

source: obscure diction society


Current equation:
{(foolish + incoherence) - 45% melancholy)} + time to spare = ?

Ax.Tar.Mas(scene 2-walking towards memories)

....al.e comes up from the well of the dark thoughts.


al.e: why are you in such a hurry?let me sow you something i found down there..
me:we have not time for games now.we have to find the intruder.don't forget that it took us so much time to organise our mind and work together without breaking down the whole place..
al.e:ok..i know how stubborn you are,and i m not in a mood for arguing now.i had a great time down there..
me:anyway,let's walk together till next crossroad.
al.e:what's next?
me:i think memories section.
al.e:that's your turn to search.i don't get in there.it's such a mess and it's all your fault.
me:don't start with that again..everything was in order till you came and fucked all up.you put all the stupid quest-filled vases of yours and with the first blow they fell on the existing memories. the result?a liquid mess.colors without color.
al.e:first of all,I've already told you that i was here from the beginning.it's not my fault that you were afraid to get out of your room and see what's going on at the other levels.
and about my vases..how should i know that you would have left the door open?
me:i was not afraid to go to the other levels..it's a matter of priorities..that was always our difference.i have priorities..you?you wade in every music that makes you dizzy.
al.e:it's not 'dizzy', you porter of reality..it's new experiences with grey hair,wearing bright colored costumes..and i can't forget the times you danced listening to my music...
me:your absurd talking again..realise it!!!only you can hear and agree with what you say..
al.e:that's true.it's not my purpose to make you, or any one else to understand me..i mostly seek another 'lunatic' as you call me to expand my horizons.to get in his.not to let him describe me how they look like..
...Menories section in sight..
me:thank god we are here..i forgot how painful it was to try talking with you.
al.e:i love it when i make you refer with gratitude in something you do not believe..
me: (opens the door ,entering the Memories section)

end of scene two.....

Με αρωματισμένες στάλες

*Σε θέλω σε ταξίδια, με άμμο στις γάμπες σου
και φύλλα μπλεγμένα στα μαλλιά σου.
με τα μελένια μάτια σου να καταπίνουν
αχόρταγα τα ταπεινά χρώματα του δρόμου.
με χείλη διψασμένα να ρουφούν τις στάλες
που ηθελημένα κυλούν στο λαιμό μου.

Σε θέλω όταν ριζώνουμε μέσα σε στενάχωρα δωμάτια
με κουρασμένα μάτια και απρόθημα κορμία,
να παίζουν τα δάχτυλα σου που κρύβουν ζωή,
με το φώς που τρυπώνει ανάμεσα απ τις κουρτίνες.

Σε θέλω με κομμένες ανάσες από τα γέλια,
με κομμένες ανάσες απο τις ανατριχίλες....

Σε θέλω όταν κοιμάσαι,να διαγράφεται το στήθος σου
μέσα από το λέπτο σου νυχτικό.
να πασχίζει το σκούρο δερματάκι του να ακουστεί
τρίβωντας το ύφασμα σε κάθε εισπνοή,
με τα σεντόνια χαρούμενα τσαλακωμένα κάτω
απ'τα ηλεκτρισμένα ακροδαχτυλά σου.

Σε θέλω όταν ξυπνάς,να με τραβάς πάνω σου
και να φυσάς τον πρώτο αναστεναγμό σου,
αυτόν που είναι γεμάτος με τα βραδινά σου όνειρα,
μέσα στα χείλη μου.
με το πρωινό σου χαμόγελο τεντώνοντας την τελευταία
υγρασία που σφράγιζε τα χείλη σου,
να φτιάχνει την πιο γλυκιά αλυσίδα

Σε θέλω όταν κοιμάμαι , τα σκιρτήματα του κορμιού σου
κ η απαλότητα της επιδερμίδας σου κλεισμένα στα χέρια μου,
να με δένουν σε μια καλούμπα για να μη χάθω στους εφιάλτες μου

Σε θέλω όταν ξυπνώ, με την μυρωδιά σου να γεμίζει
έρωτα τα ρουθούνια μου.
να βάζω το χέρι μου ανάμεσα στα λυγισμένα πόδια σου
και να γεμίζω με την πιο οικεία ζέστη το μυαλό μου..
να φιλώ το λαιμό σου και ακουμπώντας τη γλώσσα μου
απαλά στη φλέβα του να μαθαίνω πως χτυπά η καρδιά σου..

Σε θέλω με μισάνοιχτα μάτια και βραχνή φωνή.
με γλυκές γεμάτες συλλαβές να αναβλύζουν απ'το λαιμο σου
και ορθάνοιχτα μάτια..

Σε θέλω σε βροχες κάτω από δέντρα που μας λούζουν
με αρωματισμένες στάλες,
μέσα στις βρόντες που εξάπτουν τα μουσκεμένα κορμία μας..

Σε Αυγουστιάτικα καταμεσήμερα
με αλατισμένα απο τον ιδρώτα δέρματα,
πάνω σε ηλιοκαμμένα βότσαλα που καρφιτσώνουν τις πατούσες μας..

Σε βράδια που βιάζονται να ξεκινήσουν,σε βράδια που βιάζονται να τελιώσουν..
Σε νύχτες πολικές,σε νύχτες με ζεστά φεγγαρια....

Μέσα στο πλήθος να με αφήνεις να ζώ στον κόσμο μου..
Στην ερήμια να τσουγκρίζουμε ποτήρια με ξεχασμένες παρέες....
Μέσα στο πλήθος να με κάνεις να φιλιώνω και να γιορτάζω με αγνώστους..
Στην έρημια να σου μαθαίνω τυφλά χάδια...

Με δάχτυλα δεμένα ,χείλη δαγκωμένα........

Για τη μελένια μου..

Close the window

02/18/2007

night walks away, washed up by the snowsquall...
lost in a maze of thoughts....with full ashtray, coffe cup smelling cuba's molasses and sugarcanes -and cold feet reminding me to close the window before sleeping....
wondering....having too many thoughts ends up with an empty-handed stranger ringing your bell?
no one of them answers...i assume it's a yes...

Ax.Tar.Mas(scene1-the intruder)

starring in scene one:

ME(as Me), al.e(as my Alter Ego)

me:pssiiiitt...did you press "PUBLISH"?
al.e:no i thought it was you...what happened?
me:hhmmm...i think someone else invaded our mind...
al.e:let's split and find him...there is not enough space for one more in here...
me:we are always split!!!!
a.e:you are right(doinggg!!!!).ok let's start searching
me:it's your turn to dig in the dark thoughts..
al.e:yuppyyyyy!!!!!
..after two hours..
me:heyyyyy?????where are you al.e???
al.e:i m down here(echo)
me:have you found anything?
al.e:i can't tell...it's so dark and wet in here...(echo)
me:then come up..we are loosing time!(frustration)
al.e:so what?you know i love hide and seek..(no echo)
........end of scene one

inside....

Friday...April 20th..Lake Ontario..22 Celsius..sunny...
seagulls... ducks..swans..dogs... airplanes..waterplanes..boats...sailing ships.... roller-skates..bikes.. couples..sleepers....lunatics...exhibitionists... peepers..dreamers.. tourists..natives...lazy people..goers...
double espresso...mineral water..du Maurier light...camera and mp3 player without battery.....
sitting on a concrete bench 2 meters by the water...a link to the colorful buzzing human chain..
feeling i deserve to be a part of this image....
reading about Hawaii,dynamites,love,socialism,moonlight effects...
i m full..so full there is nothing distinguishable inside me....i blend..i drink image snapshots..i burp thoughts..
"the mushrooms in Amsterdam...there was no sun that time.."
"She's watching Almodovar and she's bored..."
"trees have not bloomed yet.."
"oohhh..what a butt!!"
"hmmm..seagulls are very fast.."
"i have to take a photo...it's beautiful..shit..i have no batteries.."
"yes 4 mushrooms....there were four...."
"i should call her..she must be struggling to stay awake...."
.."hmm..eventually something is missing from my painting.."
......i can't remember if always something is missing..

but now i know which is the missing part:

A phone call.a link to another image.

"too much sun for one day.."
......i m smiling to my self...or with my self.....never found out which one is...

Realizations

They come in colors. Segregated. Always fancy. To give you a clear spot to watch. To define target and either hunt or run away from it. They are always followed by actions. Actions , therefore, movement.
When realizations come in speed and in a big quantity, movement is disoriented, the eye gets blurry and clearness abstracts. How able are we to face this pictorial puzzle that is a more dangerous state than inexplicability?
Because, seeing no light, is sometimes relieving.
Getting blinded by light, is always painful.
We have to use the previous state, to lower the intensity of the colors and demarcate them. So we have to balance the blur. Focus. But never forget the background. Cause realizations need a socle.
We need to remember the questions and have a feedback circuit.
Time can alternate the nature of the question therefore the image. So the realization if we do not doubt it constantly will become a false guide.

reverie life

Reverie Life
What a pleasure when you hunt something. It's a natural instinct that human kind possesses and uses either for survival or pleasure. Both of those uses, come to a climax…
The most detectable and important difference between them is the time that the climax takes place. If hunting comes for survival purposes the highest level of pleasure lies either on the time that the target is in our hands helpless or sometimes when its death gives us a life overtime. When hunting comes for pleasure the climax heaves during the hunting procedure. In the end, when the survival's climax comes, there is a relief, a review of the journey, a tear of happiness, a shiver, an ego boost, a satisfaction. Sometimes there is no end at all. Target changes and changes. And the hunter finds himself in a prey paradise or in a fly hunt-depending on conditions. Dreams are sometimes conquered, sometimes abandoned - always hunted.. Always?
What kind of hunting reflects us?
Does it come as a medium of happiness pursuit, does it have its primary nature and works as a bell that wakes us and tells us to go on?
Are hunting tools noble when they snatch other's dreams(if hunting's purpose is not survival)? Are there dreamless people? Or are they easily satisfied? Compromised? Afraid?
And is there the case that the dream is the hunter and the dreamer the victim?

Alien looking for a corner..

i labeled this post and the previous one as "free corners"...
everyone has his own corners where he can feel free.Free from thoughts sometimes free from himself..
In my hometown i had a few corners..some benches in various places..where i could forget, i could dream,i could let off the steam.a place that relaxed my eyes and my soul.with a bottle of anything and many cigarettes.the secret entrance to my shelter,or to my paradise...a place i could share i could offer to people i love..
Today as a foreigner i needed desperately my free corner..and i could not find her..walking fast watching around for hours as i had lost something..i was ready to surrender in my nightmares that were grating my mind..Finally i see my corner...A snow covered bench without foot trails approaching it.it looks directly to CN tower.proudly standing above a frozen field and maples on each side stretch their brunches to protect it..yes she is my corner she was waiting for me..
I revealed the wet wooden surface under the snow..i sat on liquor store's bag.the Iceberg vodka warmed up my hand..lighted a cigarette..gulped some distilled snugness..
I can't tell you more...i felt free, i was free....

free Christiania(ty)

Christiania, also known as Freetown Christiania, is a partially self-governing neighbourhood of about 850 residents, covering 34 hectares (85 acres) in the borough of Christianshavnin the Denmark capital Copenhagen.
Christiania has established semi-legal status as an independent community.
Christiania's Mission Statement: "The objective of Christiania is to create a self-governing society whereby each and every individual holds themselves responsible over the well being of the entire community. Our society is to be economically self-sustaining and, as such, our aspiration is to be steadfast in our conviction that psychological and physical destitution can be averted."...
Christiania was founded in 1971, when many people from different backgrounds began to take over an area of recently abandoned Military barracks together. At the time many people in the larger Danish cities felt betrayed by the politicians, as there was a serious lack of housing. The inhabitants of the surrounding neighbourhood Christianshavn also wanted a green, open area for their children to use, away from the increasing traffic in Copenhagen. The spirit of Christiania quickly developed into one of Communism,Hippie movement and the Squatter movement.

(text above written in wikipedia)

this "town" in a few words if you not already read or seen it in the news, is besieged by police forces the last days. It's from her birth between "Government's" and now "Church's" devouring jaws..
Once more, something inexplicable for the great minds of the nations, is treated and presented(or may i say served) as Terror and Corruption...another interior fear growing in the progressive and liberal Europe...F*** you...puppies of the stuffed pockets, marionettes and you the producers of this mockery we live, warriors and lawyers of any God......





check it out...
some links..there are many more...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freetown_Christiania
http://www.christiania.org/

Weather's wiles......

Wind whistles like an ecstatic-by the tsamiko dance in a fete-clapping man........
He wants to encourage the leafs and the sleeping snow to swing in his rhythm...
But he awakes the clouds..disturbed by the noise, they sneeze frozen raindrops...
Earth always a wiling receiver of anger,the kettle of weather's desires, burps.Bloated of his wiles...she soliloquizes.."it's spring..i want to breath out....i want to be gentle...."

.....for a friend.I wish she'll never need my crocodile....


time is 01:35

Amnesia or oblivion?

I press the play button in my memory, rewind broke a long time ago.. i hear the time passing by me.. I accepted the fact that, past in my mind, is just compressed colorful images ready to explode, when an electric pulse lost in neurons of my head accidentally triggers them and creates a chain reaction in my present…

At this time…I don’t want to make a reference to the effects of those explosions..
I m trying to answer to the question: amnesia or oblivion?
I try to find the reasons of this broken in pieces memory of mine.
The dawn of this new era lies seven years ago ,in a nodal point of my life. .When I decided to cut off the chemical nutrition of my mind. When I started to have sober moments that lasted more than 2 hours.. I still trip me with alcohol and a once or twice a year with some of natures finest products or
something from Dr.Leary’s basket….

And now I m getting to the question that I put to my self….
Why this happens to me? Is it a pathological side effect of excessive hallucinations consumption? Or consciously I tangle my memories to keep me in a constant “trip”?
It’s noon.. I’m working on the answer for hours now.. i need something to drink…
I’ll quit….

I have accepted that…….and I love the way that enthusiasm strikes me when an image explodes in me or when I try to find out if an experience that I live, something that I read that I saw is new or already happened to me.. and either way watch it in a different angle.. trying to find out more about everything…

Curiosity has always been my characteristic and now powdered with the lust that only a kid in a new planet would have, makes me want to live everything intensively….

So……I’ll stay with the query ….i m moving on my next moment.. fake or not…

and that's how it began...

thanks to my friend that never grows up, i got in the game...
Now i don't know how good it is for you, the potential readers...If somethng bothers you,you can blame her..
call your closest insane asylum and ask where Tsaperdone is flying...

Hope my imbalanced way of thinking does not affect your life and your psychological health..
The writer takes no responsibility for the consequences of his scripts...suicides,wars, riots , lunatic behavior , stupid smiling faces and burned out brain cells are some side effects ...please do not proceed in further reading if you are under 18 or a serious individual.....
xaxaxaxaxa....tin psonisa:PPPP(i can not translate that...but you can say that i m a ridiculous person)


...the end