Balanced-Unbalanced

Balanced: a man running a constant battle in his head
{an endless battle that has no winner or loser.a balanced person can manipulate the two(or more) sides and keeps the 'game' going on or drives the outcome to a tie and a rematch.the number of casualties and the condition of the battle field defines whether it needs to be changed or not.a plan.a compass}


Unbalanced: a man giving countless battles in his head
{long or short-term(mostly) battles without interferences and reconstitution.
an unbalanced person lets the 'game' roll and is carried away by it's alternations.
lives for the crevasses on the castle walls and waits to see the color of the flag when the ship comes back.a wet map.a pencil}

source: obscure diction society


Current equation:
{(foolish + incoherence) - 45% melancholy)} + time to spare = ?

Ax.Tar.Mas(scene 2-walking towards memories)

....al.e comes up from the well of the dark thoughts.


al.e: why are you in such a hurry?let me sow you something i found down there..
me:we have not time for games now.we have to find the intruder.don't forget that it took us so much time to organise our mind and work together without breaking down the whole place..
al.e:ok..i know how stubborn you are,and i m not in a mood for arguing now.i had a great time down there..
me:anyway,let's walk together till next crossroad.
al.e:what's next?
me:i think memories section.
al.e:that's your turn to search.i don't get in there.it's such a mess and it's all your fault.
me:don't start with that again..everything was in order till you came and fucked all up.you put all the stupid quest-filled vases of yours and with the first blow they fell on the existing memories. the result?a liquid mess.colors without color.
al.e:first of all,I've already told you that i was here from the beginning.it's not my fault that you were afraid to get out of your room and see what's going on at the other levels.
and about my vases..how should i know that you would have left the door open?
me:i was not afraid to go to the other levels..it's a matter of priorities..that was always our difference.i have priorities..you?you wade in every music that makes you dizzy.
al.e:it's not 'dizzy', you porter of reality..it's new experiences with grey hair,wearing bright colored costumes..and i can't forget the times you danced listening to my music...
me:your absurd talking again..realise it!!!only you can hear and agree with what you say..
al.e:that's true.it's not my purpose to make you, or any one else to understand me..i mostly seek another 'lunatic' as you call me to expand my horizons.to get in his.not to let him describe me how they look like..
...Menories section in sight..
me:thank god we are here..i forgot how painful it was to try talking with you.
al.e:i love it when i make you refer with gratitude in something you do not believe..
me: (opens the door ,entering the Memories section)

end of scene two.....

Με αρωματισμένες στάλες

*Σε θέλω σε ταξίδια, με άμμο στις γάμπες σου
και φύλλα μπλεγμένα στα μαλλιά σου.
με τα μελένια μάτια σου να καταπίνουν
αχόρταγα τα ταπεινά χρώματα του δρόμου.
με χείλη διψασμένα να ρουφούν τις στάλες
που ηθελημένα κυλούν στο λαιμό μου.

Σε θέλω όταν ριζώνουμε μέσα σε στενάχωρα δωμάτια
με κουρασμένα μάτια και απρόθημα κορμία,
να παίζουν τα δάχτυλα σου που κρύβουν ζωή,
με το φώς που τρυπώνει ανάμεσα απ τις κουρτίνες.

Σε θέλω με κομμένες ανάσες από τα γέλια,
με κομμένες ανάσες απο τις ανατριχίλες....

Σε θέλω όταν κοιμάσαι,να διαγράφεται το στήθος σου
μέσα από το λέπτο σου νυχτικό.
να πασχίζει το σκούρο δερματάκι του να ακουστεί
τρίβωντας το ύφασμα σε κάθε εισπνοή,
με τα σεντόνια χαρούμενα τσαλακωμένα κάτω
απ'τα ηλεκτρισμένα ακροδαχτυλά σου.

Σε θέλω όταν ξυπνάς,να με τραβάς πάνω σου
και να φυσάς τον πρώτο αναστεναγμό σου,
αυτόν που είναι γεμάτος με τα βραδινά σου όνειρα,
μέσα στα χείλη μου.
με το πρωινό σου χαμόγελο τεντώνοντας την τελευταία
υγρασία που σφράγιζε τα χείλη σου,
να φτιάχνει την πιο γλυκιά αλυσίδα

Σε θέλω όταν κοιμάμαι , τα σκιρτήματα του κορμιού σου
κ η απαλότητα της επιδερμίδας σου κλεισμένα στα χέρια μου,
να με δένουν σε μια καλούμπα για να μη χάθω στους εφιάλτες μου

Σε θέλω όταν ξυπνώ, με την μυρωδιά σου να γεμίζει
έρωτα τα ρουθούνια μου.
να βάζω το χέρι μου ανάμεσα στα λυγισμένα πόδια σου
και να γεμίζω με την πιο οικεία ζέστη το μυαλό μου..
να φιλώ το λαιμό σου και ακουμπώντας τη γλώσσα μου
απαλά στη φλέβα του να μαθαίνω πως χτυπά η καρδιά σου..

Σε θέλω με μισάνοιχτα μάτια και βραχνή φωνή.
με γλυκές γεμάτες συλλαβές να αναβλύζουν απ'το λαιμο σου
και ορθάνοιχτα μάτια..

Σε θέλω σε βροχες κάτω από δέντρα που μας λούζουν
με αρωματισμένες στάλες,
μέσα στις βρόντες που εξάπτουν τα μουσκεμένα κορμία μας..

Σε Αυγουστιάτικα καταμεσήμερα
με αλατισμένα απο τον ιδρώτα δέρματα,
πάνω σε ηλιοκαμμένα βότσαλα που καρφιτσώνουν τις πατούσες μας..

Σε βράδια που βιάζονται να ξεκινήσουν,σε βράδια που βιάζονται να τελιώσουν..
Σε νύχτες πολικές,σε νύχτες με ζεστά φεγγαρια....

Μέσα στο πλήθος να με αφήνεις να ζώ στον κόσμο μου..
Στην ερήμια να τσουγκρίζουμε ποτήρια με ξεχασμένες παρέες....
Μέσα στο πλήθος να με κάνεις να φιλιώνω και να γιορτάζω με αγνώστους..
Στην έρημια να σου μαθαίνω τυφλά χάδια...

Με δάχτυλα δεμένα ,χείλη δαγκωμένα........

Για τη μελένια μου..

Close the window

02/18/2007

night walks away, washed up by the snowsquall...
lost in a maze of thoughts....with full ashtray, coffe cup smelling cuba's molasses and sugarcanes -and cold feet reminding me to close the window before sleeping....
wondering....having too many thoughts ends up with an empty-handed stranger ringing your bell?
no one of them answers...i assume it's a yes...

Ax.Tar.Mas(scene1-the intruder)

starring in scene one:

ME(as Me), al.e(as my Alter Ego)

me:pssiiiitt...did you press "PUBLISH"?
al.e:no i thought it was you...what happened?
me:hhmmm...i think someone else invaded our mind...
al.e:let's split and find him...there is not enough space for one more in here...
me:we are always split!!!!
a.e:you are right(doinggg!!!!).ok let's start searching
me:it's your turn to dig in the dark thoughts..
al.e:yuppyyyyy!!!!!
..after two hours..
me:heyyyyy?????where are you al.e???
al.e:i m down here(echo)
me:have you found anything?
al.e:i can't tell...it's so dark and wet in here...(echo)
me:then come up..we are loosing time!(frustration)
al.e:so what?you know i love hide and seek..(no echo)
........end of scene one

inside....

Friday...April 20th..Lake Ontario..22 Celsius..sunny...
seagulls... ducks..swans..dogs... airplanes..waterplanes..boats...sailing ships.... roller-skates..bikes.. couples..sleepers....lunatics...exhibitionists... peepers..dreamers.. tourists..natives...lazy people..goers...
double espresso...mineral water..du Maurier light...camera and mp3 player without battery.....
sitting on a concrete bench 2 meters by the water...a link to the colorful buzzing human chain..
feeling i deserve to be a part of this image....
reading about Hawaii,dynamites,love,socialism,moonlight effects...
i m full..so full there is nothing distinguishable inside me....i blend..i drink image snapshots..i burp thoughts..
"the mushrooms in Amsterdam...there was no sun that time.."
"She's watching Almodovar and she's bored..."
"trees have not bloomed yet.."
"oohhh..what a butt!!"
"hmmm..seagulls are very fast.."
"i have to take a photo...it's beautiful..shit..i have no batteries.."
"yes 4 mushrooms....there were four...."
"i should call her..she must be struggling to stay awake...."
.."hmm..eventually something is missing from my painting.."
......i can't remember if always something is missing..

but now i know which is the missing part:

A phone call.a link to another image.

"too much sun for one day.."
......i m smiling to my self...or with my self.....never found out which one is...

Realizations

They come in colors. Segregated. Always fancy. To give you a clear spot to watch. To define target and either hunt or run away from it. They are always followed by actions. Actions , therefore, movement.
When realizations come in speed and in a big quantity, movement is disoriented, the eye gets blurry and clearness abstracts. How able are we to face this pictorial puzzle that is a more dangerous state than inexplicability?
Because, seeing no light, is sometimes relieving.
Getting blinded by light, is always painful.
We have to use the previous state, to lower the intensity of the colors and demarcate them. So we have to balance the blur. Focus. But never forget the background. Cause realizations need a socle.
We need to remember the questions and have a feedback circuit.
Time can alternate the nature of the question therefore the image. So the realization if we do not doubt it constantly will become a false guide.

reverie life

Reverie Life
What a pleasure when you hunt something. It's a natural instinct that human kind possesses and uses either for survival or pleasure. Both of those uses, come to a climax…
The most detectable and important difference between them is the time that the climax takes place. If hunting comes for survival purposes the highest level of pleasure lies either on the time that the target is in our hands helpless or sometimes when its death gives us a life overtime. When hunting comes for pleasure the climax heaves during the hunting procedure. In the end, when the survival's climax comes, there is a relief, a review of the journey, a tear of happiness, a shiver, an ego boost, a satisfaction. Sometimes there is no end at all. Target changes and changes. And the hunter finds himself in a prey paradise or in a fly hunt-depending on conditions. Dreams are sometimes conquered, sometimes abandoned - always hunted.. Always?
What kind of hunting reflects us?
Does it come as a medium of happiness pursuit, does it have its primary nature and works as a bell that wakes us and tells us to go on?
Are hunting tools noble when they snatch other's dreams(if hunting's purpose is not survival)? Are there dreamless people? Or are they easily satisfied? Compromised? Afraid?
And is there the case that the dream is the hunter and the dreamer the victim?

Alien looking for a corner..

i labeled this post and the previous one as "free corners"...
everyone has his own corners where he can feel free.Free from thoughts sometimes free from himself..
In my hometown i had a few corners..some benches in various places..where i could forget, i could dream,i could let off the steam.a place that relaxed my eyes and my soul.with a bottle of anything and many cigarettes.the secret entrance to my shelter,or to my paradise...a place i could share i could offer to people i love..
Today as a foreigner i needed desperately my free corner..and i could not find her..walking fast watching around for hours as i had lost something..i was ready to surrender in my nightmares that were grating my mind..Finally i see my corner...A snow covered bench without foot trails approaching it.it looks directly to CN tower.proudly standing above a frozen field and maples on each side stretch their brunches to protect it..yes she is my corner she was waiting for me..
I revealed the wet wooden surface under the snow..i sat on liquor store's bag.the Iceberg vodka warmed up my hand..lighted a cigarette..gulped some distilled snugness..
I can't tell you more...i felt free, i was free....

free Christiania(ty)

Christiania, also known as Freetown Christiania, is a partially self-governing neighbourhood of about 850 residents, covering 34 hectares (85 acres) in the borough of Christianshavnin the Denmark capital Copenhagen.
Christiania has established semi-legal status as an independent community.
Christiania's Mission Statement: "The objective of Christiania is to create a self-governing society whereby each and every individual holds themselves responsible over the well being of the entire community. Our society is to be economically self-sustaining and, as such, our aspiration is to be steadfast in our conviction that psychological and physical destitution can be averted."...
Christiania was founded in 1971, when many people from different backgrounds began to take over an area of recently abandoned Military barracks together. At the time many people in the larger Danish cities felt betrayed by the politicians, as there was a serious lack of housing. The inhabitants of the surrounding neighbourhood Christianshavn also wanted a green, open area for their children to use, away from the increasing traffic in Copenhagen. The spirit of Christiania quickly developed into one of Communism,Hippie movement and the Squatter movement.

(text above written in wikipedia)

this "town" in a few words if you not already read or seen it in the news, is besieged by police forces the last days. It's from her birth between "Government's" and now "Church's" devouring jaws..
Once more, something inexplicable for the great minds of the nations, is treated and presented(or may i say served) as Terror and Corruption...another interior fear growing in the progressive and liberal Europe...F*** you...puppies of the stuffed pockets, marionettes and you the producers of this mockery we live, warriors and lawyers of any God......





check it out...
some links..there are many more...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freetown_Christiania
http://www.christiania.org/

Weather's wiles......

Wind whistles like an ecstatic-by the tsamiko dance in a fete-clapping man........
He wants to encourage the leafs and the sleeping snow to swing in his rhythm...
But he awakes the clouds..disturbed by the noise, they sneeze frozen raindrops...
Earth always a wiling receiver of anger,the kettle of weather's desires, burps.Bloated of his wiles...she soliloquizes.."it's spring..i want to breath out....i want to be gentle...."

.....for a friend.I wish she'll never need my crocodile....


time is 01:35

Amnesia or oblivion?

I press the play button in my memory, rewind broke a long time ago.. i hear the time passing by me.. I accepted the fact that, past in my mind, is just compressed colorful images ready to explode, when an electric pulse lost in neurons of my head accidentally triggers them and creates a chain reaction in my present…

At this time…I don’t want to make a reference to the effects of those explosions..
I m trying to answer to the question: amnesia or oblivion?
I try to find the reasons of this broken in pieces memory of mine.
The dawn of this new era lies seven years ago ,in a nodal point of my life. .When I decided to cut off the chemical nutrition of my mind. When I started to have sober moments that lasted more than 2 hours.. I still trip me with alcohol and a once or twice a year with some of natures finest products or
something from Dr.Leary’s basket….

And now I m getting to the question that I put to my self….
Why this happens to me? Is it a pathological side effect of excessive hallucinations consumption? Or consciously I tangle my memories to keep me in a constant “trip”?
It’s noon.. I’m working on the answer for hours now.. i need something to drink…
I’ll quit….

I have accepted that…….and I love the way that enthusiasm strikes me when an image explodes in me or when I try to find out if an experience that I live, something that I read that I saw is new or already happened to me.. and either way watch it in a different angle.. trying to find out more about everything…

Curiosity has always been my characteristic and now powdered with the lust that only a kid in a new planet would have, makes me want to live everything intensively….

So……I’ll stay with the query ….i m moving on my next moment.. fake or not…

and that's how it began...

thanks to my friend that never grows up, i got in the game...
Now i don't know how good it is for you, the potential readers...If somethng bothers you,you can blame her..
call your closest insane asylum and ask where Tsaperdone is flying...

Hope my imbalanced way of thinking does not affect your life and your psychological health..
The writer takes no responsibility for the consequences of his scripts...suicides,wars, riots , lunatic behavior , stupid smiling faces and burned out brain cells are some side effects ...please do not proceed in further reading if you are under 18 or a serious individual.....
xaxaxaxaxa....tin psonisa:PPPP(i can not translate that...but you can say that i m a ridiculous person)


...the end